Spoken Word Poetry And The Celebrity Mindset
YOU’RE A BIG DEAL.
Spoken word poets can be like celebrities in their cities. It’s a great feeling.
You’re recognized by tons of people. Everywhere you go people are asking to take selfies with you, you’re getting paid well for features, you’re selling books and albums and constantly getting praise from the people you bump into.
You feel hella loved,
hella respected
and hella supported by your city.
That's exactly how I felt…
But I’ll never forget the first time I realized what that mentality could lead to.
NO SUSHI FOR YOU!
I’d been craving sushi from a restaurant I ate at years ago and decided that I would drive out to Gastonia NC to get it. This sushi restaurant had a crunch roll that was different from everyone else. It was creamy, yummy and had the perfect crunch when you bit in.
My mouth was watering for that sushi… So I went to treat myself to a solo dinner.
I had no issues with dining alone at the time.
I’d gotten over the anxiety of that quickly by how often I was going from one booking to the next for poetry features and gigs. When you stay in and out your car for most of the day, you learn to pop in a dive bar to eat for a chance to re-set your brain before going to the next show.
So there I was feeling pretty excited about treating myself, but around 5 minutes after ordering, everything went down the proverbial shitter…
I started feeling extremely vulnerable and hurt when I noticed the young women in their 20’s at the table next to me
were clearly
and obnoxiously
making fun of me among themselves.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Keep in mind it’d been years since I was picked on.
At the time I had very little practice, if at all, of self love.
During that part of my life I was still seeking validation from outside sources and had wrapped up my identity and self worth in my work. So my mental and emotional reaction to this group of young women were coming from a place of pain and insecurity.
Amazing how you can get a whole city's love and respect,
but if you don't have it for yourself all that can go away in an instant.
I felt the pain turn into anger...
Before I knew it I was playing out my outburst to them in my head, it went like this….
“Do you have any idea who the hell I am?!
What I do?!
I save lives.
I rock stages.
If you had any idea who I was, you would be HONORED to even be in the same vicinity as me.
I don't waste my existence worrying about whether or not my fingernail polish matches my outfit,
or if my pants are “raggedy” as you have so pissingly pointed out.
You’re what's wrong with the world!
What have you done today other than your hair and makeup?
You ignorant, inconsiderate, insufferable little nincompoops!
Don't make me write a poem about you.
My name is Shane Manier.
I'm googlable damn it!”
Thankfully, it was just in my head. Sadly,
I couldn't even enjoy the sushi I was so excited to eat because I took their opinion of me personal.
I let it affect me.
The funny thing is on the way home, I found myself feeling hella sad and upset,
but not at them, at myself…
WHO DO I THINK I AM?
After reviewing my imaginary outburst,
I was disappointed in myself. It all sounded so…not me.
So egotistical.
Turns out egotistical behaviors are signs of insecurity not pride.
Why did their actions trigger that in me?
Of course they don't know anything about me, and how little do I think of myself if I let it hurt me that much?
What do I care what they do in a day?
How do I know they aren't doing their part to make this world a better place, they could be nurses saving lives!
Where was my Grace?
All my insecurities were suddenly laid out before me.
I realized I had some work to do on loving and respecting myself for just being me.
Not on what I do in the community.
Not on what I do on stage.
But me, in private,
alone, just being fine with myself.
Clearly at that point in time I was not fine with myself…
The great news is it really pushed me to grow my personal development and self love practice.
Remember that anger is a secondary emotion, caused by something else (pain, embarrassment, betrayal)
Anger is a warning that something’s not right.
Use it, like fear, as a compass to discover things about yourself that need love and attention.
If you’re a poet who spends a lot of time on stage and in the poetry community,
be careful about wrapping up your identity in what you do.
I still believe that part of my identity is being a poet.
But that means I'm valuable even in moments of privacy,
where I write only for myself.
YOU’RE A BIG DEAL. SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU’RE ALIVE.
Much love poets, remember to take care of yourself, on and off that stage!
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